The Early Bird

They say the early bird gets the worm. Great news for the bird, terrible news for you—you’re the worm. Better luck next time!

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You're Going Places

You’re definitely going places—unfortunately, they’re the wrong places. But hey, at least you’ll get a scenic view on your way back!

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Think Outside the Box

 Think outside the box. Too late, you're already dead.

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You Are Unique

 You are unique, just like everybody else.

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Change the World

 You’re going to change the world... by making it slightly worse for everyone you meet.

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Here Comes the Sun

 Ah, finally, the sun! Wait... nope. Giant meteor. Should’ve stayed in bed.

Things Will Work Out

Things will definitely work out in the end. Not for you, of course—but somewhere, someone will be thriving, and you can take solace in knowing the universe is fair... to them.